SHUT UP!
by DN97LMNM
Summary: A little oneshot about Matt and Mello sitting in their apartement, Matt talking about MelloxNear yaoi, while Mello is throwing stuff at him... T for suggestive themes and swearing. Well, it does have Mello in it, doesn't it?


**Update: **Sorry, no second chapter. This is just me correcting some mistakes. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Also, now I love yaoi/shounen-ai. Just so you know.

AN: So, let me get this straight. I have _nothing _against yaoi/shounen-ai and I am not a homophobe. I just don't like yaoi/shounen-ai in Death Note. Because most of the guys there are either asexual, heterosexual or hate eachother. I don't mean to offend anyone who _loves _Death Note yaoi with this fanfic. You don't have to review (thou I would be very happy if you did), this is just my view on one of my least favourite pairings on Death Note. Again, no offence if you love the pairing.

**Warning:** This has a mention of...ehem... *_sex*, _ but nothing graphic. Also a little swear words, as it does have Mello in it.

**Disclaimer: **This is a fanfic, why does it need a disclaimer if everybody who writes fanfic obviously do not own the original movie/book/tv show/anime/other but whatever... I disclaim.

Onto the fanfic...

~[::]~

Matt sat down onto one of the couches in his and Mello's apartement, took out his PSP and started playing one of his games, which names of are not particularly important. His thumbs started jumping around on the controller buttons at an pretty amazing speed and the gamer began moving left to right, dodging the invisible obstacles. His blond friend was sitting on the other couch, chewing on his favourite food, banana.

Just kidding, Chocolate. Like he would evere eat a banana! So, he sat there, chewing on chocolate while the redhead kept playing. After a while, Matt spoke, breaking the comfortable silence.

"You know what, Mello?"

"What?" Growled said boy, already annoyed he had to speak while he could be using his mouth for something more productive, like, I don't know, eating a chocolate?

"I don't know what is up with the MelloxNear yaoi writers."

"**WHAT **the **FUCK, **Matt?" Growled/hissed the blond.

"Well, you see, everyone knows you HATE Near so it is practically impossible for you to kiss Near or get intimate with him, like for example..."

"**SHUT UP!**" Screeched Mello, throwing a book at Matt, which the gamer nicely dodged (he was still playing his game which relied on moving around like a drunken parrot... Well, not really, but Matt did anyways) and kept on talking:

"Besides, are you even gay? You look like a girl, yes, but have you ever, you know, kissed a guy, or whatever? And I'm sure that Near is either asexual or _"Toysexual"_, you know, with the toys?" Matt snickered. He had a theory that Near either ate his toys or had sex with them... Matt had _no idea _whatsoever how the albino could "accomplish" that (if you even _can _have sex with toys), but he wouldn't get into details. Who would?

"So, anyway, even if you did, you know, **it**..." Spoke Matt boredly, as if talking about how exciting was your maths lesson, while Mello was literally shaking with anger. He already threw everything his arm's reach at the redhead (besides his chocolate of course) who dogded every single thing thrown at him. His years gaming and being friends with Mello finally paid off, he could play his games and have a PMSing blond male doing more damage around him than a tsunami and a few small earthquakes.

"...WHO would be on top?" Continued Matt after a few minute pause during which he completed a particulary difficult part of his game, which does not need to be named.

That was **IT. **Mello couldn't take anymore of his friend's talking, and tackled him with a mighty roar.

"**WILL YOU ****SHUT UP! Shut up, shut up, shut up, just shut up!"**

"What?" Exclaimed Matt, trying to get away from the raging blond, wide eyed.

"**SHUT UP!" **Shouted the chocoholic yet again.

"If you wanted me to stop talking about MelloxNear yaoi and you both doing dirty things like...

"Grrrrr, Shut up!"

"...All you had to do was ask!" Spoke the red haired boy.

"**AAAARGHH!"** Screeched Mello.

And that is why Matt can no longer move and has to use a machine to breathe and eat.

Just kidding.

But he was in a maximum amount of pain for the next few weeks.

~[::]~

AN: Did you like it? I do realise that people might gett offended, but please don't, I do not mean it! And yes, I do realise that Mello is a little OOC for not killing Matt after he questioned Mello's sexuality. But then, this would end few sentences earlier. And we do not want that *dripping sarcasm*. I hope that somebody still reads about death note, even thou it was out, like, 3,4 years ago. If you do, PLEASE review. Or don't if you do not want to.

BYEEE! ^.^


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